Snohomish

*Soft jazz music in the background*

I’ve been a week here, in my Aunt’s place. It is a small town near Seattle, WA. Life here is completely different with what I had in L.A. To be honest, I kinda love this place more than that big busy city. The only problem is just that I couldn’t drive here, and there’s no way to get anywhere without driving here. Everything is just so far away.

But the biggest problem is I’m missing my baby so much! Yesterday, he just e-mailed me the biometric appointment sent by the USCIS (thank GOD!) with a short message “cepetan pulaaanngg”. 😀

The plan was this, when we got the letter, he’d book a flight here to join me for a short vacay and coming back home together to L.A. Couple of days ago, I was so worried (as always) because we hadn’t got any letter. I know I would definitely need to reschedule my flight back to Indo. But I have no idea, how long I should stay here until everything is settled and I get my AP done.

So, the biometric would be on May 31, as written on the paper. But I’ll try to go to the nearest service center to have my fingerprint taken on Monday. Hopefully, I can do it here so that I can push them to get my AP done ASAP. *finger crossed*

In a way, I really want to go back to Indo. On the other side, I know I’ll be damn missing him so much. But well.. October is coming soon anyway 🙂 So yeah, I think I’ll just enjoy every single moment with him, and soon with my family and friends back in Jakarta.

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A Hello from Los Angeles

I know I haven’t even visited my own writings for a year! LOL. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a thinker and there were several times that I wanted to write my anxieties here. But yeah, I kept postponing and eventually forgot about it until now, this pretty 16C morning at Westlake, Los Angeles.

Just before I wrote this, I read my previous one. And yes, I’ve made my way to U.S with Davis, now my lawful husband. I’m getting here with a fiance visa that got us married in Beverly Hills, last April 19. It was a quick ceremony followed by lunch for the two of us and one of Davis’ friend, Jimmy, who happened to be our witness.

Few weeks before the civil ceremony, we joined the Engaged Encounter weekend, a retreat for engaged couple as one of the “requirement” for getting married in Catholic Church. It was like an interactive marriage preparation class, which I have to say, it was fun, inspiring and of course making us closer to each other. And at the last night, we had our prayer together with the mentoring couple and it was so touching. We especially dedicated our prayer for Davis’ father, who passed away just 3 weeks before my departure to L.A. The mentoring couple, Dale and Maria, gave us blessings and said “from now on, take care of each other for the rest of your life.” :’)

That weekend truly strengthened us as a couple, and prepared us towards our marriage. And of course, the most important take home message from the retreat was “Love is a Daily Decision”. Another thing that I won’t forget from this retreat is the letter Davis wrote for me at the end of the weekend. That truly reminded me of my biggest reason to take a further step in our relationship, that he has all the good will to make me happy.

As a married woman, I’ve been facing all the anxieties especially due to the adjustments that I need to make here. Apartment, job, finance and Adjustment of Status process. The last one couldn’t stress me out even more. We send our AoS package last week and haven’t heard anything from the USCIS. Meanwhile, I really need to go back to Indonesia, not just for work, but also for all of the wedding preparation. I haven’t even done fitting for my wedding dress! *Sigh..

Nevertheless, the man I have chosen to be my life companion does his part all the time. He always makes me feel loved even though I know that he’s as anxious as I am on our issues. And another thing, I couldn’t ask for a better husband than the one who’s willing to get up super early in the morning for work and still doing chores when he’s home without complaining. Thanks babe, I LOVE YOU so much.

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“Hidup Jangan Terlalu Letih”

This link was just sent by my boss, my big bro and my ortho mentor (you know who). Pas nonton videonya, gw brasa kayak lagi disentil sih. Keinget sama hidup gw sendiri tepatnya. Gw bisa dibilang orang yg gila rencana, ambisi as well. Dari dulu gw udah set target2 apa aja untuk tiap taonnya. Yet, selalu aja ada yg terjadi di luar rencana. Termasuk paling gedenya adalah ketika gw harus memutuskan antara karir dan cinta (*tsaelaaahhh). Bukan sesuatu yg gampang sih, walaupun sedari kecil gw bercita2 pengen hidup di luar Indonesia. Tapi cita2 itu kan udah lama terkubur seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, berbagai kondisi (keluarga dan finansial) yg mengantar gw sampai detik ini.. Sampai di suatu titik, gw bilang “that’s it, gw ga mungkin keluar. This is my life, this is where I belong. Dengan karir gw, dengan path yg udah gw rintis sedemikian rupa.. gw harus jadi one of the best and most professional ORTHODONTIST in Jakarta. Gw harus bisa banggain ortu gw dan gantian berkontribusi untuk kebahagiaan mereka.”

Dan hidup menghempas gw kembali ke titik “yg hampir” nol lagi. Dengan ketemunya gw sama cowo gw, dengan hubungan gw+dia dan rencana2 masa depan kami, gw dihadapkan pada pilihan yg ga gampang sama sekali. Hidup yg udah gw rencanakan sedemikian rupa, dan step2nya udah gw tapaki bertahun2, dengan ups and downs nya, dengan segala kurang tidur dan stressnya, demi secarik kertas yg menyatakan bahwa gw adalah a competent orthodontist. Dan ketika gw udah di tahun terakhir pendidikan gw, disitulah gw dihadapkan pada pilihan tersulit dalam hidup gw sama si cowo yg ga pernah gw sangka bakal jadi pacar gw beneran. Dari yg tadinya kita berencana untuk tinggal di Jakarta, tiba2 ternyata rencana itu tidak disetujui pihak sana dan sejujurnya membuat gw merasa agak “cornered” untuk memilih. Kecuali gw beneran punya kerjaan yg bagus di Amrik, bukan hal yg mudah memilih buat ngikutin cowo yg bisa dibilang satu2nya quality yg membuat kedua pilihan itu berimbang adalah his good will to make me happy and to build a happy family with me. Kalo liat sejujur2nya, malah sebenernya bisa dibilang karir gw disini (or at least sekian tahun ke depan sebagai orthodontist) masih lebih predictable dibandingin cowo gw sekarang. Well I’m not talking about how much we earn ya… considering disana apa2 bisa dibilang well and fairly paid. Cuma leaving my comfort zone yg sudah gw bangun pasca runtuhnya “menara babel” untuk menuju “tanah perjanjian” jelas membuat gw mempertanyakan what God’s plan for me is. or.. Does HE even have a plan??

Video tadi ngingetin gw sih (dan kayaknya layak diputer berkali2 kalo gw galau, makanya gw post disini biar ga ilang).. bahwa hidup itu ga usah terlalu letih, ga usah terlalu ambisi, jangan terlalu gelisah.. yg penting apa yg diterima, jalanilah dengan benar. Apa yg ada di depan mata, jalanilah sepenuh hati. Kalo ada yg ga dimengerti, jalanin aja dulu, ga usah banyak tanya, nanti juga ketemu jawabannya. Susah siihhh… tapi mau ga mau emang beneran musti dipelajarin cara hidup kayak gini.

Yah mudah2an… apapun yg gw putuskan membawa gw dan keluarga gw ke arah yg lebih baik. 🙂 Dan yg pasti, tetap sejalan dengan 1 cita2 gw yg seharusnya bisa tercapai dimanapun gw berada.. “membuat bangga ortu dan berkontribusi balik untuk membahagiakan mereka”

Distance…

“The scariest thing about distance is, you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget about you.” -The Notebook-

Distance.. bener2 pisau bermata dua. Let me write in Bahasa for this. Sekarang ini saya sedang menjalani hubungan dengan seseorang yang 8,973 miles away. Ups and downsnya berasa banget. Di satu sisi hubungan ini menguntungkan karena “tidak terlalu banyak tuntutan”, tapi di sisi lain “ketidak bersamaan” itu juga membuat gw keep wondering akankah bertahan hubungan ini? Pengennya sih pasrah aja. Sedari awal juga sebenernya udah mikir “ya udah lah, kalo emang kenapa2 berarti he’s not the one.” Tapi tetep aja kenyataannya ga bisa sepasrah itu.

Satu hal yang pasti dari LDR adalah.. at least buat gw, even the slightest change in the way we talk or text matters. mungkin sebenernya ga kenapa2, tapi kadang pikiran ini ga bisa dikontrol sehingga mulai deh berimaginasi kemana2. 😦 But I’ll talk about it with him soon.

my last 20 mins of being 28

Jakarta, cloudy, alone in my room.. playing soft music from my previous post.

It’s been a while since the last time I write. Said that I’m too busy with my school.. but in fact, I have been a little bit afraid to write this private blog. Too afraid to assume of what has been happening recently. But in these last few minutes, I just want to look back the wonderful things I have had in my life. I wanna thank for the experiences, all the ups and downs. Also for the people I have met throughout this wonderful year, for those who stays, for those who left. Each with their own different reason and lesson. Thanks for my wonderful parents and sister. And thanks for a special someone that makes me wanna sing this song I’m about to post below. I’m still waiting for HIS sign to confirm everything though. However, I still thank HIM for the new colour he’s bringing into my life 🙂 I don’t know what the future brings, but I do really hope it’s another wonderfully blessed one year ahead 🙂

The Notebook

Came back from work, felt hungry.. so I turned the TV on, had some chips and relaxed myself for a while. I switched over some channels and found “The Notebook” being played on HBO. It was actually already in the half end of the movie. I don’t know why tonight some sentences in this movie hit me directly to the deepest thought of mine.

When Allie’s mom took her for a drive and told her own story of choosing Allie’s father over her true love of her life, she said one important message of how life would be so different by making choices. She didn’t regret marrying her husband, but every time she passed by the area where her love worked, she stopped over for a while.. just to look at him from distance. In that movie, with a longing look, I guess. So she asked her daughter, Allie, to choose wisely for her own happiness.

And Noah said, “So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What’s it look like? If it’s with him- go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again, if I thought that’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.”

And Allie definitely made the right decision.. ❤ ❤

What made me cry wasn’t merely the movie itself, but I questioned myself “Did I take the easy way out? well actually, did WE take the easy way out?” and something like “what if one day, I am with someone and I still longing for the one that crossed my mind when I watched the movie?”

I don’t know… 😦