I know when to stop and raise, and get my life back.
I miss you.. i need you..
and regardless how busy I am, how hectic my life is.. I just can’t stop thinking of you.. and even every single thing happens reminds me of you
I had never expected meeting you in my life, in a weirdest way a realist could think about. And I had never expected I could fall so easily and hardly let things between us go.
Never had this feeling before.. Thought that I’m strong enough, thought that I’m not that drama. But you just show me that I’m just an ordinary woman.. who can even cry because of a special one that came and changed me into someone that I don’t even really recognise. I’ve never felt this weak without a man before.
I’ve been quite emotional lately. And tonight, I feel quite like there’s an empty hole in my heart…
I really miss us…
have reminded me of how powerless I am..
There are always things beyond my control
no matter how hard I studied, sometimes the mark wasn’t as I expected
no matter how much I want my favorites to stay around me, they just don’t..
no matter how we try to protect our environment, flood and many extreme weather changes still happen (well, we can say that it’s kinda a bit too late though).
and.. no matter how good I have been with my friends (esp the ones in my circles), an overly excited joke can ruin the friendship. In this case, no matter how I apologize and try to fix it, the forgiveness is beyond my control as well.
Those disappointments, boredom, struggles, unanswered prayers, etc questioned me and almost stopped me of being me at my best. But I realized that they might be a reminder from our beloved Lord to keep the hope and faith while doing the best we can be. That the things which are beyond our control, should we leave them in HIS hands. and I’m trying to believe that when things are not as we expected, it’s because HE has better and more beautiful plan for us.
Miracle is believing that HE will turn the impossible ones to possible. 🙂
*this is me making a note to myself tonight.
do more, give more, forgive more
BUT.. expect less in return
Before I meet him..
Well, as I’ve mentioned in the previous post that I’ve been talking to someone, online, for almost a year now, I’m going to meet him in person tomorrow. I have to say this is the first face-to-face meeting I’ve ever had in my entire life, ever since I was acquainted to internet and online chatting many many years ago (dating back to age 12 i guess??!!).
When I was around that age, I was so into online chatting to improve my English skill. And I guess that was the very first time I knew this guy. Until one day in February 2012, his face appeared in my newsfeed in Facebook, and I was so curious so that I said hello to him. And here we are, becoming closer each day through thousands of Facebook chats, messages and emails.. and I think he’s actually the closest guy around by far. And I’m grateful for that.
But talking about meeting him for real, for the very first time, honestly is quite nerve-wracking. A blend of excitement and nervousness. Excited because I’m going to see the one who has been there virtually and made me smiling so much in real life. Yet I’m nervous thinking of whether or not I’ll be able to follow the conversation and response as well as how I’ve been used to do through texts. :S
Dear Lord, I need Your help…
I found this posted as a status in my friend’s facebook wall. It’s in Bahasa Indonesia, but I tried to google translate it ;). Of course with some touch ups here and there :p (I can’t just copy-paste the translation without editing at all, can i? ) But as English is not my mother tongue so I have to apologize in advance that there are maybe some mistakes or weird phrases here and there :p
A wise in his blog saying, “Women are always returns more to the man.” If you give her a house, then she will give you warmth in your home. If you give her rice, she will return to you cooked one. If you LOVE her, she will give you a lifetime of devotion. But if you give her betrayal, she’ll give you a prayer in tears of pain, and that means prepare yourself For millions of misfortune! ”
If yesterday you pray and you believe that she was the ribs, then accept her not as the perfect woman, but as the best woman.
God’s best is not she who never made a mistake, but who is always saying sorry for any mistakes and that she had a million forgiveness for your mistakes. She accepts your past and is ready to design her future with you. She is always anxious and lost her mind when you do not contact her.
She can give a positive impact in your life. She reminds you of the Lord. She invited you to be thankful even in hard times. She never forgets to mention you in her prayer. She would teach the purpose of life and life priorities.
If the spoiled nature made you laugh, if the jealousy meant love for you, if her tear was heart wrenching for you, then, if now all of those things become the reason of letting her go, then take a moment to think. Because of this statement may be true! “Actually it’s not spoiled nature, jealousy, or other vices that cause you dare to let her go, but now that you allow someone else to be the listener of your problem with her.” It is the betrayal that never realized by a man!
There’s just a week left for 2012.. and it’s Christmas today. I would love to thank HIM for all the miracles and blessings that He has given me throughout the year…
I have to say that it has been a wonderful year for me… first half of the year, He gave me chances of working holidays in the most exotic place I’ve ever been (Buin Batu Clinic, Newmont, Sumbawa). He also gave me the courage to have an extended stay in the beautiful Gili Terawangan in Lombok. While in the same time, I could prepare myself for the Orthodontic Residency Program test well enough.. and I was accepted.
The 2nd half of the year, my life has been mainly as an orthodontic student. And it was great too. New friends, another new environment and new challenge. Though I have to say that I’ve been frustrated sometimes, I thank HIM for bringing me to it and through it so far.. 🙂
And Lord, I also want to thank you for all the families and friends that have given me care , love and support throughout the year. Also for some new good friends, thank YOU so much. Not to mention that for almost the entire of the year, You have that closest one for me 🙂 *well I guess he’s always there in every single moment in my life recently 🙂
And also, thank YOU for giving our family a chance to take care of grandpa in his last months of life. Thank YOU too for having us be in this family with grandpa and his thoughts. Merry Christmas Opa! :))
So much blessings that I might not deserve it as I’m a sinner, so in this miraculous day I really want to express my gratitude which I know can’t compare to those beautiful things You’ve given to me…
Happy Birthday my Dearest Savior, Best Friend, GOD, Lord Jesus
Merry Christmas to you all…
Today is our beloved grandpa’s funeral days. Has been suffering these few months until he said “it is finished” on the day he fulfilled Our Heavenly Father’s last calling. HE called Him to His church when grandpa was young, HE called him to teach us the children and grandchildren about GOD and HIS church, he taught us to call Jesus’ name and invite HIM in every occasion. And later in his life, he was trying his best to be our Lord’s servant by spreading the good news to his parochial and some other people, the things that we didn’t put so much appreciation back then. And finally, Our Lord called him to join the eternity on Thursday, September 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm.
On this day, when we said goodbye to him forever as his body was entering his eternity home, I found this article of Paulo Coelho. And somehow it reminds me so much of our beloved grandpa and how he did try to be useful in his life with his own way.
Even if you were to study your own life in detail and relive each moment that you suffered, sweated and smiled beneath the sun, you would still never know exactly when you had been useful to someone else.
A life is never useless. Each soul that came down to Earth is here for a reason.
The people who really help others are not trying to be useful, but are simply leading a useful life. They rarely give advice, but serve as an example.
Do one thing: live the life you always wanted to live. Avoid criticising others and concentrate on fulfilling your dreams. This may not seem very important to you, but God, who sees all, knows that the example you give is helping Him to improve the world. And each day, He will bestow more blessings upon it.
Manuscript found in Accra
( publication dates until May 2013: http://bit.ly/Ov0WK6)
Goodbye grandpa, your words will remain in our hearts and life. Send our hello to Jesus that you loved so much.. 🙂 Till we meet again!! :’) I love you!!
*/ Dear Opa, terima kasih untuk semuanya ya. Laura akan selalu ingat ajaran opa untuk panggil Yesus dalam segala perkara. Dan maaf untuk segala kesalahan yang pernah dlm bentuk kata2 maupun dlm hal kadang being ignorant. Beristirahatlah dengan tenang dan doakan kami yang masih mengembara di dunia ini.
*/ Dear Lord Jesus, welcome him into Your arms. Forgive His sin and let him join in Your eternal home in heaven. And thank You for giving me so many chances to show him all my love and serve him as his grandchild. I might missed those chances by not doing my very best when he was alive, and I apologize You for that.. :'(. but however, I thank You for letting me born in this family, with Opa as a part of my life. :’)
I surfed on facebook and found this passage shared from Paulo Coelho’s page. Great one I think.. 🙂
We deny our own beauty because others can’t or won’t recognise it. Instead of accepting ourselves as we are, we try to imitate what we see around us.
We try to be what other people think of as ‘pretty’ and, little by little, our soul fades, our will weakens, and all the potential we had to make the world a more beautiful place withers away.
We forget that the world is what we imagine it to be.
We stop being the moonlight and become, instead, the pool of water reflecting it. Tomorrow, the water will evaporate in the sun. And all because, one day, someone said: ‘You are ugly.’ Or: ‘She is pretty.’ With those three simple words, they stole away all our self-confidence.
And we become ugly and embittered.
-Manuscript found in Accra-
I was a bit hungry like an hour ago and thought about how nice a cup of hot tea with TimTam would be. -_- (don’t mention my weight loss program now)
And I just wanna say, those sweet treats brought back the sweet memories of T.120, a nice jungle home in Borneo. It was quite often that me and my housemate went to the commissary to buy TimTam, ice creams, or any other fattening product (which absolutely you guys can see how those product gave a damn long lasting effect up to now -_- ). And one night, a friend taught us a way to enjoy TimTam – bite a bit in each of 2 corners, and suck the tea with the TimTam. It was so much fun at that time, we tried with our own tea and TimTam and didn’t successfully manage to do so as the hot tea definitely melted the cookies even before we could feel the tea flow into our mouth. However, the soften TimTam tastes so great 🙂
And I just had it tonight. And this thing really brought back the sweet memories I’m missing so much of my jungle life and friends in Borneo. Was such a great retreat there. 🙂
I looked at some random old photos taken in my college years tonight and they remind me of the wonderful life I have had so far. Colorful and unexpected. I have no regret at all regardless whatever happened in the past because even the things we considered bad added some dark colors that stroke in certain boldness among the pastel ones in my life painting, which when I step back a little bit, I can see how perfect and beautiful the painting is. 🙂
And I found this great quote from the net:
So I guess I have to say
LOVE my past, ENJOY my present and LOOK FORWARD my future