Touched by a “sorry” for a simple imperfection

This is my status on BBM. I put that status right after receiving text message from my mom.

I just had my lunch before lunch time and I found nothing was wrong except the fried squid that kind of hard to chew. But the lunch that my mom prepared this morning is totally fine.

And I receive this text message: Ci dah makan? cumi tadi mami ga goreng lagi, kalo alot ga ush dmkn. nti digoreng lg d rmh.

I replied: Iya udh makan. alot banget. senam sendi rahang.

And mom replied back: he he, sorry ya ci, salah mami ga goreng lg td pagi, klu sisa bw plg aja nti digoreng lg drmh.

And right after that, I felt really touched by my mom. She apologized me for giving me a portion of not-chrunchy-enough squid? In the other hand, she woke up every morning to serve the family, so if there’s any imperfection, we won’t bother anyway.. We can’t even thank her enough for all she has done for the family.

I feel really loved. Maybe I was tearing for losing love of my life before. But here, I always have a very great family who continuously support me to go through this sad breaking up condition. There was my father with his wise words and also my mother who always give me unconditional love and care no matter how bad I treated them before to keep my arguments about my relationship. And also there’s my sister who maybe seems not to really care about this issue but she always there to cheer me up in her own way. I really have a great family and if I don’t break up or experience this horrible situation, I wouldn’t realize how priceless they are.

My friend ever said to me, losing something/someone means you’ll grab more things.. great things! :’)

Love doesn’t have to possessed

There’s a very common phrase in Bahasa: “cinta tidak harus memiliki”.  I don’t know whether sentence above (in the title) is the right translation in English or not. But anyway, it’s the subject I’m going to write now.

Love and possession… Months ago maybe I’d look sarcastically to those who take that statement for themselves. If you love something, you’ll do whatever it takes to make that something yours. How about someone? I bet you’ll struggle more to make him/her your life-sharing partner. Who doesn’t want to be with someone beloved and crave a fairytale story for the rest of our life?

But after experiencing it myself, being in a very complicated relationship, asking GOD if he’s the one or not, being loved and abandoned, maybe I’m becoming a more realistic person now. True love story is not a fairy tale. Maybe you thought you already found your prince, maybe there was time that you were so sure that he’s the one GOD sent you to be your forever companion, and maybe one day you doubt that too. And I finally found myself with this thought. The common statement that I used to laughed sarcastically before was not wrong! Love doesn’t have to possessed IF you are not sure enough the one you love, love you back and will take full responsibility to take care of you for the rest of your life. Marriage is a real damn serious matter. For me, once you swear in front of the GOD that you’ll love him/her till death do you apart, it’s a sort of point of no return, and of course no matter what happen, those who united by GOD cannot be separated. So, if you see that your loved one can’t respect you in any way, why should you force yourself to struggle for something called LOVE? Have heard another famous phrase “it takes two to tango”? Your love alone is not enough. Marriage needs 2 person with the same level of love and respect to be together, to struggle throughout their life.

One of my favorite author ever tweeted “love and suffers can’t be together”. So, if you find yourself suffered, why should you force yourself to possess or be possessed him/her? My Lord ever said, love other like you love YOURSELF. So He directed us to love ourselves first before others. But one thing we have in mind too is that self-love isn’t the same with selfishness.

Well, I’m writing this not to teach others but myself. I feel like I’m advising myself with this writing. And for those who’s experiencing the same, let’s struggle together for our own happiness. 🙂 We deserve to be happy!! (as long as we don’t hurt anyone of course. Karma happens darling!)

Sometimes when we touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I’d rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I’m only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I’m just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I’d like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I’d like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you’ve tried
I’ve watched while love commands you
And I’ve watched love pass you by

At times I think we’re drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

 

Note:

Well, I’d just like to post this because this is my favorite song lately, and maybe the best song that describe my feeling the most these days… Many versions, I listen to Susan Wong’s one. Jazzy and touchy..

(maybe) The most popular issue in my age

Gonna be married or unmarried?

I had a short chit chat with my friend yesterday about confusion of taking a big step to a new life we called marriage. Quite a huge issue right? She said that there’ll come a time to decide whether we’re going to choose someone to live it (a.k.a getting married in my terms) or just enjoy our life by our own (a.k.a staying single). And my friend has decided that she NEEDS someone else to share life with.

How about me?

Well, I can’t say that my life as a single (not-married-yet) is not enjoyable at all. But I always think that a spouse will make things even better. Surrounded by friends are fun. But ofcourse you can’t count them to be with you all the way round through out your life, right? They’ll have their own family, their own business. And for that reason, being single for the rest of my life is a real bad idea for me. It’s even worse when we consider the aging process.

So, I definitely want to get married. It’s necessary for me. No matter how hard a marriage life will be, I believe it won’t be as bad as being alone in this world. No matter how you’ll argue with your husband/wife, I believe you can somehow solve it together and that’s definitely better than have no one to talk to when the day ends.

OK, and how about the marital age? Is there any limitation?

There’s actually NO maximum age to get married for sure, love can come to you at any age, right? But our culture creates those limitations. And it influenced my opinion about maximum age to get married. For myself, I really wish I could get married in the age of 26-27, or at least before 30. And in my humble opinion, that’s the most reasonable age of getting married too, for both man and woman. OK OK, this age limitation will be expand for man until 35 then. Why?

First of all, this is based on female biological reason. As we know, the older the woman is, the worse the quality of the egg is. And somehow I also believe that sperms quality is affected by age too although the aging process might be slower in man.

Secondly, psychological reason. When you’re above 30 and you aren’t with anybody, most people will ask you why. Are you just being too picky? Or there’s something really wrong with you so you’re unwanted? And for this psychological reason, the older you are, the more difficult for you to find someone who’ll match your criteria. So what happen next is you have to downgrade your criteria, not because you want it but because you have to (coz some people will judge you negatively right away)!! Wew.. ironic isn’t it?

Third reason is another psychological reason, but I’m not going to talk about things related to culture. This is really my personal opinion about those 2 people, about the couple themselves. When we haven’t reach the age of 30, there might be an immature side in both man and woman. This immaturity, along with egos, might bring you trouble. YES. But have you ever feel that when you really love somebody, every fight, every tear is worth for? The emotion that we feel after arguing, problem solved and we’re getting back together brings us the warmth that I can’t even describe how beautiful it is. It’s like you’re having your precious back after it missed for a long time. No butterfly at all, like you had when you’re first in love with that person of course, but the warmth leads you to an even deeper and deeper compassion with your spouse. I personally will take them as the spices of the love life!

Fourth reason, this is related with the immaturity I talked about before. When you still have your child or teen like personality, you can enjoy more fun moment with your spouse! Just like children. You still can explore the world together, go to the amusement park without shame, having adventurous trip together, all fun things you can imagine about! I’m not saying that these things can’t be done when you’re over 30. But the older you are, there’ll be greater responsibility, shame, obligation to have a good image in front of parents, friends, colleagues, and so on. And these will definitely restrict you to do wild things, won’t them? Another spices baby…. 😀

Well, this is just my humble personal opinion that is RIGHT for me and just for me. Of course, from deep inside my heart, I’m longing for someone out there has the same thought as I do, and willing to be the one to share my life with and vice versa.

Something popped up in my mind while listening to Chopin

If you live in Jakarta, you’ll know exactly that we have one of the craziest traffic in the world. I can even say that we’re driving through jam almost everyday. So, like other problems in our life, it’s really our choice of how to react with the situation. Today, like many other days before, I chose to enjoy the jam with one of my favorite composer, Chopin. Well, after half way of listening to the local radio that played songs which make the day even hotter. I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel pop songs nowadays aren’t as good as what we had back in the 90s. Some of the songs drive me to a more pathetic thoughts of my problems. I don’t know how can they accidentally accentuate our condition, moreover they play it on and on for days and even weeks. So, those songs, plus the hot weather of Jakarta, and the jam… mixed up together and drove me to a terrible feeling of… anger if I might say? (in bahasa: pokoknya bawaannya jadi emosi dah!)

Then, I turned on a CD that has been in my CD player for quite a long time. A nocturne album of Chopin. My ex gave it to me. And as the piano playing, my bad emotions started to fade away. And by that time, I really think that classical music was really a great solution of enjoying the traffic jam. Well, here’s the explanation I’ve been thought during my way to the clinic. Classical music, or maybe I can say most instrumental music a.k.a music with NO word, leads us to a very honest feeling that we feel at that time. I can say it’s like a contemplation. It’s the time to make a quality time with our best friend in the world, OURSELVES. The same melody can bring a happy smile or sad tear on your face, depends on your mood at the time you listen to it. Moreover, the composer geniously combine many contrasting emotions harmoniously in a piece! Just like our life. Good or bad, happy or sad moments, GOD arrange them together to create a harmonious symphony in our life. In conclusion, those instrumental music don’t force any form of emotions and thoughts to our mind and heart. They really release us to feel what we want to feel, to enjoy everything’s happening in that certain time. This is the point we can’t get from the songs with words. 😀

So I think, I’d better put more classical CDs in my car tomorrow. J

Hello world!

Hi…

Well, actually this is not my first time of writing but maybe this is the first published one. I just want to share things through my lens and hopefully can inspire or be inspired by anyone who’s willing to drop any comment on my writings. 🙂

 

With Love and Prayer,

Laura