“Hidup Jangan Terlalu Letih”

This link was just sent by my boss, my big bro and my ortho mentor (you know who). Pas nonton videonya, gw brasa kayak lagi disentil sih. Keinget sama hidup gw sendiri tepatnya. Gw bisa dibilang orang yg gila rencana, ambisi as well. Dari dulu gw udah set target2 apa aja untuk tiap taonnya. Yet, selalu aja ada yg terjadi di luar rencana. Termasuk paling gedenya adalah ketika gw harus memutuskan antara karir dan cinta (*tsaelaaahhh). Bukan sesuatu yg gampang sih, walaupun sedari kecil gw bercita2 pengen hidup di luar Indonesia. Tapi cita2 itu kan udah lama terkubur seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, berbagai kondisi (keluarga dan finansial) yg mengantar gw sampai detik ini.. Sampai di suatu titik, gw bilang “that’s it, gw ga mungkin keluar. This is my life, this is where I belong. Dengan karir gw, dengan path yg udah gw rintis sedemikian rupa.. gw harus jadi one of the best and most professional ORTHODONTIST in Jakarta. Gw harus bisa banggain ortu gw dan gantian berkontribusi untuk kebahagiaan mereka.”

Dan hidup menghempas gw kembali ke titik “yg hampir” nol lagi. Dengan ketemunya gw sama cowo gw, dengan hubungan gw+dia dan rencana2 masa depan kami, gw dihadapkan pada pilihan yg ga gampang sama sekali. Hidup yg udah gw rencanakan sedemikian rupa, dan step2nya udah gw tapaki bertahun2, dengan ups and downs nya, dengan segala kurang tidur dan stressnya, demi secarik kertas yg menyatakan bahwa gw adalah a competent orthodontist. Dan ketika gw udah di tahun terakhir pendidikan gw, disitulah gw dihadapkan pada pilihan tersulit dalam hidup gw sama si cowo yg ga pernah gw sangka bakal jadi pacar gw beneran. Dari yg tadinya kita berencana untuk tinggal di Jakarta, tiba2 ternyata rencana itu tidak disetujui pihak sana dan sejujurnya membuat gw merasa agak “cornered” untuk memilih. Kecuali gw beneran punya kerjaan yg bagus di Amrik, bukan hal yg mudah memilih buat ngikutin cowo yg bisa dibilang satu2nya quality yg membuat kedua pilihan itu berimbang adalah his good will to make me happy and to build a happy family with me. Kalo liat sejujur2nya, malah sebenernya bisa dibilang karir gw disini (or at least sekian tahun ke depan sebagai orthodontist) masih lebih predictable dibandingin cowo gw sekarang. Well I’m not talking about how much we earn ya… considering disana apa2 bisa dibilang well and fairly paid. Cuma leaving my comfort zone yg sudah gw bangun pasca runtuhnya “menara babel” untuk menuju “tanah perjanjian” jelas membuat gw mempertanyakan what God’s plan for me is. or.. Does HE even have a plan??

Video tadi ngingetin gw sih (dan kayaknya layak diputer berkali2 kalo gw galau, makanya gw post disini biar ga ilang).. bahwa hidup itu ga usah terlalu letih, ga usah terlalu ambisi, jangan terlalu gelisah.. yg penting apa yg diterima, jalanilah dengan benar. Apa yg ada di depan mata, jalanilah sepenuh hati. Kalo ada yg ga dimengerti, jalanin aja dulu, ga usah banyak tanya, nanti juga ketemu jawabannya. Susah siihhh… tapi mau ga mau emang beneran musti dipelajarin cara hidup kayak gini.

Yah mudah2an… apapun yg gw putuskan membawa gw dan keluarga gw ke arah yg lebih baik.🙂 Dan yg pasti, tetap sejalan dengan 1 cita2 gw yg seharusnya bisa tercapai dimanapun gw berada.. “membuat bangga ortu dan berkontribusi balik untuk membahagiakan mereka”

Distance…

“The scariest thing about distance is, you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget about you.” -The Notebook-

Distance.. bener2 pisau bermata dua. Let me write in Bahasa for this. Sekarang ini saya sedang menjalani hubungan dengan seseorang yang 8,973 miles away. Ups and downsnya berasa banget. Di satu sisi hubungan ini menguntungkan karena “tidak terlalu banyak tuntutan”, tapi di sisi lain “ketidak bersamaan” itu juga membuat gw keep wondering akankah bertahan hubungan ini? Pengennya sih pasrah aja. Sedari awal juga sebenernya udah mikir “ya udah lah, kalo emang kenapa2 berarti he’s not the one.” Tapi tetep aja kenyataannya ga bisa sepasrah itu.

Satu hal yang pasti dari LDR adalah.. at least buat gw, even the slightest change in the way we talk or text matters. mungkin sebenernya ga kenapa2, tapi kadang pikiran ini ga bisa dikontrol sehingga mulai deh berimaginasi kemana2.😦 But I’ll talk about it with him soon.

my last 20 mins of being 28

Jakarta, cloudy, alone in my room.. playing soft music from my previous post.

It’s been a while since the last time I write. Said that I’m too busy with my school.. but in fact, I have been a little bit afraid to write this private blog. Too afraid to assume of what has been happening recently. But in these last few minutes, I just want to look back the wonderful things I have had in my life. I wanna thank for the experiences, all the ups and downs. Also for the people I have met throughout this wonderful year, for those who stays, for those who left. Each with their own different reason and lesson. Thanks for my wonderful parents and sister. And thanks for a special someone that makes me wanna sing this song I’m about to post below. I’m still waiting for HIS sign to confirm everything though. However, I still thank HIM for the new colour he’s bringing into my life🙂 I don’t know what the future brings, but I do really hope it’s another wonderfully blessed one year ahead🙂

The Notebook

Came back from work, felt hungry.. so I turned the TV on, had some chips and relaxed myself for a while. I switched over some channels and found “The Notebook” being played on HBO. It was actually already in the half end of the movie. I don’t know why tonight some sentences in this movie hit me directly to the deepest thought of mine.

When Allie’s mom took her for a drive and told her own story of choosing Allie’s father over her true love of her life, she said one important message of how life would be so different by making choices. She didn’t regret marrying her husband, but every time she passed by the area where her love worked, she stopped over for a while.. just to look at him from distance. In that movie, with a longing look, I guess. So she asked her daughter, Allie, to choose wisely for her own happiness.

And Noah said, “So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What’s it look like? If it’s with him- go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again, if I thought that’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.”

And Allie definitely made the right decision..❤❤

What made me cry wasn’t merely the movie itself, but I questioned myself “Did I take the easy way out? well actually, did WE take the easy way out?” and something like “what if one day, I am with someone and I still longing for the one that crossed my mind when I watched the movie?”

I don’t know…😦

Happy… :’)

I know the 2 previous post was quite miserable. But yes I did have a hard time to let go everything without questioning why God did let too many good things happen before He took it away. As a very logical person, actually this experience of being broken hearted was quite unbelievable. Yet I am now starting to see things from the bright side and I’m thankful to have such person in my life, and for all the sweet memories we had. And most of all, there’s actually a lot more to be thankful for..

When I was down (trust me, how cool I seemed to be, I’m still a woman with a fragile heart :p), my bestfriends support be in all possible ways they could. They had their ears for my story, just to let me get my desperation out. They cheered me. Even there’s time, when I was kinda down, I was working in the clinic and my boss saw there was something wrong with me. Out of concentration, not as cheerful as usual, etc. He asked me over and over til I told him briefly what was in my mind at that time. And guess what, he put a loud speaker to his laptop, played some songs, sang for me expressively. I actually don’t cry easily in this kind of sad situation (separation, losing special persons). So at first I was just laughing seeing him singing like a rockstar. But then, there were just some songs that made me have to hold my tears until he played this song and reached the refrain, I just couldn’t hold longer and burst into tears..

Just unbelievable. I had my tear over my love life in front of my boss which happened to be my prof. Hahaha… but he got me some tissue paper and said that it was just OK to let things out, so then I would be able to let things go too.🙂 and it really worked. The next day, I came to the clinic and my boss noticed that I was a lot better than the previous few days. hahaha.. Also, Winna came just to see if I was OK and dropped me 2 boxes of instant hot chocolate, thought that I might need that. And guess what? I actually don’t need the hot chocolate to make me feel better. The thought my friends had for me and the thought I have in my mind that I have some priceless friendships really help me passing through the valley of darkness (ok, that phrase sounds a bit too dramatic :p)

And today, I went out with my boss and another friend from the clinic. We went karaoke in a place just few block from our clinic. We sang until we lost our voice. Had some beer. Danced. etc. Some songs definitely did bring my mind back to January 2013. But having those guys around made things way easier.

So in conclusion, I might longing for someone to be always by my side as a partner. And yes, I kept praying to meet that special someone someday. But, for now.. I think I’m quite blessed with such wonderful busy life. I have the chance of having postgrad training, have some good friends at school, also outside the school, and I have an awesome working environment where I can enrich my knowledge as an orthodontist to be as well as having mental support whenever I need.

Oh yeah, another important date I should write on this blog. Last friday, on 14 June 2013, I saw my first formal orthodontic patient at school. A nice 13 y.o girl. And this week, I might see another 2 or 3 new patient. I haven’t started the treatment yet as I still have to analyze the data, x-rays, impressions, and photos to make the diagnosis and treatment plan (which I should discuss with my prof and get the approval to start the treatment). I have to say that I’m quite excited to start working in the university hospital🙂

 

15 things u should give up to be happy

found this article online from http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy/

and i think this article is just great to be shared and kept in my personal blog😉

so i just copied it😉 Enjoy!

 

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?


2. Give up your need for control. 
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.